Medical appointment 101

So an appointment with my GP today showed my thyroid is functioning fine, it's some antibody of the thyroid that is super high and can cause my thryoid to become underactive.

Looks like all i heard from the shrink was "overactive" and "thyroid". So glad i got it all explained to me in lamens terms though.

So the deal is to wait 6 weeks, get more blood tests and monitor the levels. If they have changed then we action the antibodies.

And another thing.... i'm borderline anemic!?!? I have to start pumping the red meat, leafy greens and OJ. I also have to have 1 iron tablet a day.

What's another tablet right?

Count down to wine o'clock

1 & 1/2 hours till i can pop open my chilled bottle of champers! Ahhh bliss, nothing like a nice cold vino to top off another shitty week.

I was feeling so good going into my shrink appointment on Wednesday, then overactive thyroid is mentioned and i've taken a downward approach to everything.

*sigh* When will the zoloft kick in?

I would say 2010 is the year to make drastic diet/lifestyle changes. Maybe i should stop drinking (*gasp*), or at least cut it down to 1 night a week. Maybe i should start eating organic, but we don't have the money to start buying more expensive foods, being on one income is hard enough. What else can i do? I already go to the gym 4 days a week. I know.... maybe pop some more medication? *rolls eyes*

So the cognitive behaviour therapy is booked in for Jan 19th, can't wait to start changing these thoughts around in my messed up little mind at the moment.

The shrink suggested a diary

I got all excited, i was going to buy a pretty diary at Kikki and a special pen, then i remembered my last journal, 2 pages in and i was over it. So i'll blog, and hopefully more frequently. I really don't mind if i get comments or not, it's more of an outlet for me and my messed up mind at them moment.

So, lets tally the medical conditions i have.

Counting....

Counting....

1. Eczema
2. Asthma
3. Severe food allergies
4. Severe dust/cat/grass/hayfever allergies
5. Osteoporosis
6. Scoliosis
7. Endometriosis
8. Polycystic Ovaries
9. PND
10. Epulis
11. Overactive thyroid

DRUMROLL..... dadadadadadadadadadadaddadada

11.

That's a total of 11 fukt up illnesses, yay to me. I'm 27 and my list looks like it belongs to an 80 year old.

Plan of attack? Who fucking knows, i'm sick of taking pills and i'm sick of all this shit happening to me. Yes i know there are others worse off but FFS cut me some god damn slack and let me off the hook for once ok?

Am having a few wines to debrief today's new illness. Lets see how i feel in the morning?

So I have PND... big news, not

No big news to me, no shock, no surprise, not too upset by the "official" diagnosis, it's only another illness to add to the list right?

It was only a matter of time before it was fully diagnosed.

So now it's on meds for a year, psychiatrist appointments fortnightly and group CBT beginning in Jan that goes for 6 weeks.

I've always said it, someone has to make up the stats for illnesses and why not that person be me?

So i'm 27 and have eczema, asthma, hayfever, sever food allergies with anaphylactic reactions, allergies to grass/cats/pollen and dust, scoliosis, osteoporosis, epulis, polycystic ovaries, endometriosis and now to top off my list PND... YAY... NOT

Get fucked PND and give my body a fucking rest for once, bitch

RIP Holloway's :(

Words can't even begin to describe how devastating the loss of 5 Holloway's lives are :( I'm so sorry that a fire can tear a family apart and take away 4 beautiful children and 1 adoring Mother.

I don't think 5 minutes have passed by today when i haven't thought of you all. I really hope Aaron can somehow survive this, although i don't know how. How on earth would you recover from a tragedy like this?

Lenore has the biggest heart of gold and it is broken way beyond repair. I'm gutted for them all and all i could do today was hug Noah for comfort.

RIP Ashlee and babies

I'll be keeping the Holloways and Faulkners in my prayers and thoughts xo

Noah’s Birth Story

I was admitted into hospital to be induced at 8pm on Wednesday 13th May. Brent wasn’t allowed to stay the night so he went home about 11pm. I had the tape inserted and a few hours later small contractions had started. I had a shot of pethadine and a couple of hours rest before I woke at about 4am to more stronger contractions. Brent came into the hospital at about 6.30am, it was comforting to have him back with me. My Ob came in and broke my waters at about 7.30am (which was absolutely awful). I had some gas and then kept vomiting; I couldn’t even keep one sip of water down.

After my waters were broken the contractions came on thick and fast. I requested an epidural and was given one about 15 minutes later. Ahhhhh, pure bliss! I managed to have about 2 hours sleep in between vomiting and lots of midwives checking the heart monitor.I was advised at about 11am that Noah’s heart rate kept dropping with each contraction I was having and was taking too long to reach a “normal” level. The final contraction Noah’s heart rate dropped to 60bpm and alarms went off, midwives and Ob’s were running in and before I knew it I was being prepped for an emergency c-section.Brent was whisked away, I was being shaved and signing consent forms and rushed up to theatre. As soon as I got into theatre I saw Brent and was relieved again as he came and sat by me (complete with video camera) and calmed me down.

Within 5 minutes I was cut open and Noah had been pulled out of me. They took him to examine him, all was fine but he did have quite the cone head from getting stuck in my pelvis and becoming distressed – hence the heart rate dropping.

I had hemorrhaged and gone into shock at this stage as everything happened so quickly. I had also developed a high fever and couldn’t stop shaking. They handed Noah to me but as I was shaking so much I asked Brent to take him back off me L

I was only supposed to be in recovery for ½ hour and I was in there for almost 2 hours. They finally let me go back downstairs once I stopped shaking as much as I had been. Noah and Brent were in my room and Noah was handed to me for skin to skin contact. By this time I was so distressed about everything that had happened and disappointed I missed out on the instant skin to skin contact I was quite down. Noah had a feed and was wrapped back up again. The next 2 days are a blur and I only remember bits and pieces.

Brent filmed the birth and it took me a good 2 weeks to watch it as I was saddened by the birth and how chaotic it had been.

3 months on and I’m moving on from my disappointing birth experience. I did find out that I have to have c-sections from now on due to my pelvis not moving. This I find comforting as it will be a totally different experience from my emergency c-section. The midwife and Ob have both assured me that being induced did not cause any of this and it was my pelvis not moving, which makes sense as I have 2 other cousins who have the exact same thing and can only have c-sections as well.

The first 3 months have flown and things are starting to settle down. I don’t want to jinx myself but Noah is an absolute angel. He is the most placid baby and I am constantly told how lucky I am by friends and family. He is not a crier and on the rare occasion that he does cry, something is obviously wrong.

We're off to Melbourne again in September with Daddy and then just Noah and I are going down again in Novemeber for Cup Week! At least my family are getting lots of cuddles and seeing him grow :)

My weird but wonderful trip down south.....

Last Friday Mum had phoned me to let me know my one of my brothers had severe gastro and I wasn't allowed to stay with my family as he would be contagious for 4 days, so that meant I could go and stay with them on Wednesday.

I was picked up at the airport by my folks and taken to my cousins house to stay there. Mum and Dad stayed with me on the Saturday night and Sunday my cousin threw a baby shower for me. It was a brilliant day and we got loads of blue goodies for Noah and thoroughly spoilt. Mum stayed the night again and woke up on Monday with gastro. Dad picked her up and that meant I wasn't allowed to see or stay with her until Friday.

So Monday I caught up with a friend in town, did some shopping and felt a little sorry for myself. I tried to call Qantas to change my ticket and come home sooner seeing as though my family were contagious and I couldn't even stay with them. I couldn't get through to Qantas, luckily though as I stayed in Melbourne and had a great week.

Tuesday my Dad and 3 of my brothers picked me up to take me out to lunch. We went to the Victorian Markets and the City. The boys spoiled me and paid for my lunch, drinks and snacks. At the end of the day they all gave me presents for Noah as well.

Wednesday I spent the day with Nana. We went shopping in St Kilda and had lunch at La Porchetta (my favourite) and then had a coffee with my cousin.

Thursday I needed a rest day, I was exhausted. I went to Westfield at Airport West got some thank you cards and chocolates for some special people and rested back at my cousins. Thursday night my brothers came over for pizza.

Friday I was finally allowed to see my Mum and stay at their house!! I spent the day with a very special friend, it was a very emotional and hard day for both of us and I think of her constantly. Friday night we went to visit a family friend for dinner and drinks.

Saturday afternoon I jumped on a plane and was greeted by Brent at the gate, Gosh I missed him heaps. As soon as I got home MIL had made dinner for us and I flaked it after watching Brissy lose to Carlton :(

All in all I had a great week under the circumstances of not being able to spend lots of time with my family, which was the reason of visiting them.

I'm back home, on maternity leave and forcing myself to clean (maybe I should just wait for this so called "nesting" to kick in). I normally love cleaning but i'm too tired lately and my belly gets in the way of everything!!!

Baby E has a name

After many nights going round and round in circles over Baby E's name I finally went with my first pick of Noah :)

Brent is happy with my choice and I said he could choose the middle name if he wants one. I'm not too fussed whether Noah has a middle name or not so it's all up to Brent now.

It's weird referring to him as Noah already, i keep calling him "him" or "the baby", i have to bite the bullet and start referring to him as Noah now.

The countdowns are on

Only 60 days left until we met our little man :) I've put a poll up on the baby's name, we just can't decide. I like Noah more and Brent likes Tyler more, i do like Ty as a nickname though and i'd be happy with either pick but deep down Noah is my front runner!

I'm feeling very cool, calm and collected about the birth, if only i could feel this way at present. I'm so sick of stressing and worrying that something bad is going to happen, i'm trying my hardest to just go with the flow and "relax"....... gosh I HATE that word.

We have our last antenatal class tonight and apparently it's all about breastfeeding. Brent says he hopes tonight ends early, i think he's had enough talk of vaginas, blood, amniotic fluids and breasts for a while!! LOL

Only 8 work days left :) I can't wait to finish up and spend a week down South with my family, only 11 sleeps!

Labour and Birth - Bring it on ;)

We had our first of 3 antenatal classes last night. We were the last ones there (typical) and i think Bonnie the midwife took a fancy to Brent, i don't think he cared being the centre of attention though LOL!

Bonnie went through packing our hospital bags, the stages of labour, after birth and pain relief options. We went on a tour through a birthing suite and one of the husbands mentioned it looked more like a hotel room (complete with a large spa and double shower). It hit me when we were sitting in class and bubs was kicking away inside me that this is real and this is happening to us :) After the class we were so excited and kept talking about the night. I'm feeling very positive about labour and birth now.

I woke up this morning not feeling 100% and Brent declared i was in the transition stage of labour LOL! I had to give him points for listening!

Mum has offered to fly me down to Melbourne for a week before i can't fly so i booked my ticket this morning and then got an email from my cousin that they are putting on a baby shower for me so my Melbourne friends and family can celebrate! I can't wait.

Only 17 work days left :)

Happy Birthday to Me

I turned 27 last Friday 13th February. Luckily it wasn’t a spooky day and nothing freighting or scary happened, well not that day anyway!

Brent and Max had breakfast with me and I was in no rush to get to work. I took my time driving into work and was greeted with 3 boxes of chocolates and a beautiful bunch of flowers, which unfortunately I was allergic to so MIL got them! I never even expected a card let alone choccies and flowers. Boss also gave me an early mark!

Two days before I had woken up with horrible pains in my belly/bump so made an appointment to see my Ob. He did a scan and bubs was fine but sent me for a CTG. All was good until about 10 minutes towards the end when bub’s heartbeat was going up and down like a yo-yo, which in turn freaked me out so not sure if that helped the yo-yo situation. Ob said he was happy with the results but not the last 10 minutes so to do another CTG on the Thursday. So I spent Wednesday night and all Thursday stressing. I finally got into the hospital in the afternoon and CTG was perfect, no yo-yo’ing, despite the lady next door giving birth and totally freaking me everything was fine. PHEW.

We chose not to tell any family members as last time I had a scare (15 weeks) some of them didn’t understand the stress I was/am feeling. When I told them I had a panic attack and was given an ultrasound I was told to “stop worrying”. It’s kinda hard when you go through IVF and I just think some people will never understand how I do stress and worry, it’s in my nature.

So a year older and wiser and I feel this is the first year I can definitely add “wiser” to that saying without hesitation. How do you not get wiser without the things Brent and I have been through, some things are public knowledge, some aren’t and never will be but boy we have come along way and I love him more and more each day.

IVF Barbie

Starting backwards in January 2007. Brent and I decided to start trying for a baby in February 2007 so I went off the pill. I told Brent to prepare himself to become a father ASAP as I thought I would take after my Mum who was highly fertile, little did I know.

12 months went by and still no sign of a BFP and my AF was all over the shop with my cycles getting worse. The pain was incredible each month and the feeling of knowing something was wrong with me was playing on my mind. Off to see my new Ob/Gyn and sure enough I was diagnosed with PCOS after bloods and a dildo cam (OMG how I never thought I would get use to them).

Brent’s SA came back with fluctuating results and my Ob/Gyn is not happy with his results. Brent’s SA tests aren’t in the normal range due to Brent’s cancer which was diagnosed on June 4th 2004, a day I will never, ever forget.

So I was prescribed the “magic pill” clomid for 3 months then my Ob wanted to try a different approach if that fails. The magic pill produced 2 big follies each month but still no BFP.
Ob suggests clomid for 1 more month before trying IVF. IVF? Is he serious? He tells me my PCOS isn’t a great case he’s seen and another SA of Brent’s came back with well below “averages” so he suggests we “get serious” and try IVF other than fluff around with OI and the likes.

Clomid fails so looks like we’re going to IVF. I am devastated by this news but some online friends recommend me to an infertility forum, I wouldn’t have coped without my new “infertile” buddies who help me cope, guide me through my first IVF cycle, support me through my worries, are concerned for me when I have OHSS and am hospitalized and congratulate me when I fall pregnant on my first IVF Barbie cycle.

I am lucky to fall pregnant on my first IVF cycle but after being on the infertility forum I realize how guilty I also am at times. I can’t help it, I only tried TTC for 18 months and I thought that was long, some of my online friends have been trying for years. My heart breaks for them but I also admire them as they are the most amazing, strong, caring bunch of women I could ever meet. I have only met 1 online friend IRL and am planning to meet a few more in early February but I hope I get to met them all and let them know personally how much they have touched my life.

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